Ranting Froggy Panties

It never fails. Just when I think my life just might settle down for a little while, BOOM!! The past comes to bite me in the ass!! I was going through the mail yesterday when lo' and be-fuckin'-hold, there was a letter from an attorney. Of course, it came in a very plain, normal, white envelope which gave me a sense of ease, until I decided to open it. That envelope gave me NO WARNING as to what was waiting for me on the inside!! How dare they lull me into a trusting, comfortable place only to shock me into a frenzied, worried, crazy place. So what was inside the envelope you ask? Well I will tell you. It was a letter informing me, ME, that I had a warrant issued for my arrest from a check that I allegedly wrote (and apparently the bank said I didn't have the money actually IN the account and they didn't like that too much) to Wal-Mart in Plano, Texas in 2005. Seriously? 2005? WTF!!  What, were they housecleaning there in the Plano Wal-Mart and found this supposedly "bad" check for a whopping $28.16 and decide it was finally time to call the police because damnitt, they want their fucking money?? TWENTY-EIGHT DOLLARS and SIXTEEN CENTS!! Did they not have better things to do? I had absolutely NO idea that I even bounced a check, possibly due to the fact that I actually closed the account and moved away, but still. Here I am, over four years later and this little letter says I owe $650.oo. WHAT! Wait a fucking minute! How in God's holy name did $28.16 turn into $650.00? I mean, even with the return check fee from Wally World, the total is only $58.48. That leaves $591.52 unaccounted for. Is that how much it cost for that law firm to write the letter that they sent me? If so, I wonder if they are hiring, because I'm obviously really good at swindling people out of money! (although it seems I do eventually get caught, so that wouldn't work, DAMN!) So after making all the phone calls that needed to be made, I was told that I must pay Wally World the $58.48 and then they will recall the warrant for my arrest. How nice. THEN, and only then, will the judge decide how much MORE I have to pay in order to be humiliated enough for the $28.16 worth of merchandise I "stole". I'm finding all this very tedious. Why ohhhhh why is this happening?? Hey, I don't remember asking to become a responsible, reliable, HONEST adult. Is this really part of it? Man, and I thought it was going to be video games, cotton candy, and all you can drink soda!! How horribly wrong I was. MOMMMM!!!!! You SO lied to me!! Lol! Now I will tuck my tail between my legs, go pay for the stuff I should have paid for over four years ago, and go on about my life. I'm thinking that the moral of THIS story is: Hey, better late than never!! Peace~