Ranting Froggy Panties

Why, why, why do people insist on spewing information that is not only false, but that they OBVIOUSLY know nothing about? I realize that drug addiction is a very controversial topic and that many people have many ideas and feelings on the subject. I suppose being a recovering addict myself makes me a little sensitve to some of the negativity out there. Well, I CAN'T HELP IT!! So many people think that addiction is a choice, a moral failing, or we just do it for fucking fun. I can tell you right now, I did not wake up one day and say," Gee, I'm really bored today, so I think that I will become a drug addict so I can stir up some drama. Ruining my own life and everyone's around me sounds like a fabulous idea to get rid of this boredom bug!!" Seriously? I have caused not only myself, but my family, friends, and certain strangers a tremendous amount of misery and pain because of my actions during my addiction. The things I did under the influence were things that I would NEVER even consider doing in a non-addicted state of mind. I look back now and can't even believe some of the lies I told and shit that I pulled in order to get what I needed. I can laugh at some of it now, but man, when I was telling those lies back then, I think I might have actually believed my own bullshit!! Example: My parents came to visit me in Missouri and on the second day that they were there I ran out of Oxycontin. That morning I got up, ran to a doc that I knew would give me a script, and came home because my parents were coming to the house. I waited as long as I could before I pulled my dad aside and asked him if he could take me to Oscos (a pharmacy chain) because there was this miniature collection of golf figurines that I could ONLY find at Oscos and I wanted to get them for my mom because she loved stuff like that. (likely) Well, we go on about our merry way and I tell my dad to stay in the truck because I didn't want him to see them until my mom did. I ran up to the pharmacy counter, handed the script over, and was told they were out of that particular strength! WHAT!! So I preceded to go out to the truck and tell my dad that the lady that stocks this particular set had sold out of them at this location, but would be at another location so could we go there? He said yes and we got to the next one, SAME THING, they were OUT!! I knew that my dad was bound to get suspiscious if he wasn't already, but I went out and said I told him the wrong place, it was over at this other Oscos. Needless to say, we went on like this until I finally got what I needed. And once I got the pills and my dad asked about the gift, I said," Oh, yeah. They must not be selling them anymore. I'll see if I can find them and I'll mail them to mom." My dad just looked at me and shook his head. I found out later that he knew the whole time, but just didn't have the heart to call me on it. The lengths that I went to make me cringe. But at the time, I didn't know any other way to act. I was being driven by my addiction and let me tell you, when you are in the midst of an addiction like this, you will say anything to just about anyone to get what you want or to get out of what you got yourself into. My husband at the time would get so frustrated because he would put his Oxycontin (he was on it for a legitimate reason) in a fire-proof safe only to have me call a locksmith after he left for work, take out the pills I needed for the day, and re-lock it. When he would come home to discover the missing pills, I would deny, deny, deny, all the while my pupils are pinpoint and I can't walk a straight line to save my life. I told him we must have left the door unlocked and someone came in and took the pills. He asked me how they would get into the safe. I told him they must have brought lock picking tools, how else?? I mean, use your common sense!! All thieves that sneak into others homes to take medicine out of locked safes ALWAYS carry their lock picking tools or a stethascope if it is a combination safe so they can hear the click!! Didn't he know this?? Anyhow, I'm just grateful that I am no longer like that. I guess what I'm trying to say is just because I was addicted doesn't make me a bad person. It made me a sick person with a disease that I needed treatment for. I know I will never change all those people's minds, but maybe someday, someone will help other's to understand that addiction is not a choice. Take care.