Oh, there I am.
1 week ago
Showing posts with label frustration. Show all posts
Showing posts with label frustration. Show all posts
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Why in the name of Jesus of all things holy did they EVER come out with Super Mario Brothers to begin with? Last night I was looking for something to do on the internet because I was bored, so I thought it would be neat to Google my old favorite Nintendo game, the original "Super Mario Brothers". Yeah, great idea!! Not only did I find it, but I found a place that you can PLAY it!!! Suddenly, I was transported back to when I was 12 years old and we got a Nintendo for Christmas. There I was, glued to the screen, playing that damn game!! My shoulders were all tense like it was the most stressful thing in the world and if I didn't save the princess then all the world was going to hell!! And on top of that, since I'm an adult now, I sat here and cussed at the screen like it would change anything. Back when we had the controllers, we would move our hands back and forth when we were jumping and since I can't do that now, I move my head!! Oh My God!!! This is true insanity. I have amazed myself at the level of my addictive personality. I get addicted on the first try!! Just give me a little taste and from then on I'm yours!! All the while, my common sense is screaming at me to give it up!! I have conversations with my common sense quite often. This is what we talked about last night.
Me: Oh cool!!! Super Mario Brothers!! I LOVED this game when I was like 12.
Common Sense: Don't do it. Don't do it. It will just be one more thing you'll have to quit!!
Me: Playing it once for old times sake won't hurt. This is so cool!!
Common Sense: Don't say I didn't warn you!!
Me: Whatever....shut-up so I can play!!
20 minutes later...........
Me: DAMN!! F**CK IT ALL TO HELL!! SHIT SHIT SHIT!! Get over the damn gap stupid Mario!! Shit, there goes another life. Just one more time now.
Common Sense: It doesn't help to yell at the screen! What are you getting so upset about it's just a game. See, you just killed your last man. Let's do something...........
Me: SHUT UP!! One more time. Quit bothering me!! It's my turn!!
Common Sense: One more time? You said that 25 times ago!!
Me: I can stop anytime, I'm just not ready. I HAVE to beat this level!!
Common Sense: Always one more level, one more level. STOP IT FOOL!!!
Needless to say, in the end I ended up getting pissed at this stupid little game and turning the computer off. Why do things like this piss us off so badly? I felt SOOOO stupid after I sat and thought about it. Damn games!! Next time I get a great idea like that, I'm going to get up and get away from the computer until the urge leaves me!! I suppose the moral of this story is: Don't play Super Mario Brothers. You may have loved it when you were 12, but you have a much BIGGER vocabulary now and you don't want to scare the kids!!
P.S. If you would like a piece of this insanity, just click on the title of this post and it will take you to Super Mario HELL!!!! AHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Labels: frustration, games, silly, Super Mario Madness
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Well, I thought for about five minutes that I had this job in the bag and then she said that I had to have a car. See the dilemma there is that CJ and I share a car and he has to have his for his job as he drives all day long. JUST MY LUCK!!!! So, this job, like all the others is a no-go. Why am I not surprised? I'm really not trying to feel sorry for myself, it just happens. LOL! I mean, it's actually kind of pathetic. On Friday, I went to this place called Stenocall, which is a call center type place that takes inbound calls from all kinds of places. They generally hire whatever and whoever walks through the door. I go, take the tests, pass with flying colors, and the lady looks at me like I have grown two heads. She asked me,"Why aren't you looking for something you are more accustomed to doing?" Really? Don't you think I've tried that? Do you think I'd be here if I had had ANY success whatsoever in my own field? I just need a damn job!!! So then she tells me she will check my references and get back to me. Of course, I have yet to hear from her. What really sucks is that as I was leaving, this really greasy looking guy with pants down to his f***ing knees, dirty t-shirt, and greasy long hair is being told that he has just been hired for the EXACT same job I was applying for!!! WHAT???? Are you kidding me?? Where is the justice?? I felt REALLY good after that. I mean my God. He can walk in and get hired and she has to check MY references? WTF!! Sorry, I'm just a little discouraged at this moment.
So, today when I got home from my interview, I decided that I was going to have a beer. A beer you say? Yep. Me. Drinking. A Beer. CJ almost freaked out. Not only did I have one, but I had three and that was way more than enough. I have spent the rest of the afternoon trying to get the room to stop spinning. I was trying to see what it is about getting drunk that is so appealing to him. I absolutely hate feeling that out of control. The whole time CJ is telling me how he feels guilty and he thinks he's gonna make me an alcoholic and how he shouldn't have let me have any. Like I'm not a 31 year old woman and if I want alcohol I just have to go to the bar right around the corner. I CHOSE to drink. No, I'm not an alcoholic, but I am in recovery from pills and he thinks that now that I have had a couple of beers I'm destined to relapse and just fall off the deep end. Not gonna happen. I may have a desire to hide away from the world and sleep my days away, but I have NO desire to live like I did when I was using. I'm too old for that and that kind of lifestyle is too difficult to maintain. I've been on Methadone for almost seven years now and thank God for that, because I don't know where I would be otherwise. Yes, I know that a lot of people don't agree with Methadone Maintenance, and that's ok. It is what works for me. I take it once a day, as prescribed by my doctor. That's all that really matters. I don't know why I feel the need to justify myself every time I reveal this to someone. I guess it is because I have had so much backlash when people find out that I automatically think that everyone is going to shun me. I remember I went to an NA meeting once and made the mistake of sharing that and right in the MIDDLE of the meeting, one of the people that chairs meetings asked me to speak with him and said that I was NOT welcome to share as long as I was on Methadone as I was under the influence. He said that I may sit and listen, but I MAY NOT participate. I could not believe my ears. Needless to say, I never went back to that meeting. Now, when I go to meetings, I always feel like I am carrying this big secret around. I guess that is one thing that keeps me away. I don't like feeling like I have secrets. If there is one thing I have learned and learned well in recovery that is honesty. When I was using I would lie to you rather than tell you any amount of truth whatsoever. Not anymore. That is just something my conscience can't deal with anymore. So going to meetings and feeling like I'm not being honest is hard. Sorry, didn't mean to get off on a tangent. One of those days. Anyhow, I have another interview on Friday so I guess we'll see what happens. Take care and until next time............be safe!!
Labels: depression, frustration, insanity, interviews, jobs
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