Ranting Froggy Panties

I have been wondering lately if things will EVER get better. I go to AA meetings and I sit there and look at all the people talking and laughing and just being "happy". I have been sober for almost seven years and I'm more miserable now than I ever remember being during my addiction. (of course I don't remember a lot of the time during my addiction.....lol!) Here I am, 31 years old, no job, no prospects, a daughter I don't get to see, living with an alcoholic who tries sometimes and doesn't other times, I mean, is this all there is? I don't know how much more of this I can take. I apply for every job that I am qualified, I go to interviews that I think go great, and then nothing. Is there something wrong with me? It certainly feels that way. I had a GREAT job working with an orthopedic surgeon in his office, but he ended up letting me go because he thought that an RN could do a better job than me. Well, I talked to the receptionist that is still there and she said that the RN isn't even doing as much as I did. See, in an office environment, it doesn't matter whether you have an RN, LVN, or you are a medical assistant. You all work under the Dr.'s license. I worked really hard, was always the first one there and the last one to leave. When he let me go he wrote me a letter of reference. He told me that I had a very strong work ethic, I was very smart and skilled, but he was more comfortable with an RN. I just don't get it. I have been through so many jobs in the last four years. Some I quit, others I lost. All of them I should have just stuck it out, then I wouldn't be in this position. I'm so depressed that I barely get out of bed anymore. I can't do this much longer. I feel worthless, useless, and pretty much like a failure at everything from being a daughter to being a mother! If this is all there is, then what is the damn point? All I want, all I've ever wanted, was to be self-supporting, not relying on a man in any way, shape, or form. I have NEVER lived alone. As stupid as it sounds, I dream of having my own apartment or little house with my own things, my own rules, and no one to answer to. At this rate, that will never happen. I try and try and try, but I just can't seem to get anywhere. What do I do? Even if I did have Brianna, what kind of mom would I be? I seem to have failed or screwed up everything else, so maybe it is a good thing Brianna isn't with me no matter how much it hurts. Well, that's all for now. I'm going back to bed!!