Saturday, March 21, 2009

It Was A No Go!!

Posted by Jenn at 09:12

So I didn't get to have my interview yesterday. That sucks. But I do get to go on Monday to have it. Man, I hate waiting. I'm terrible at waiting, especially if it is for something that I REALLY want or need. Let's just say I am beyond desparate at this point, so my patience for waiting is non-existent. When I am impatient for something, CJ gets really irritated with me. Of course, if I were him I would probably feel the same way. He always tells me," Doing that more (whatever annoying thing I am doing at that particular moment) is NOT going to make Monday get here any faster. Why don't you do something to take your mind off of it, instead of that." Umm, NO!! I WANT MONDAY HERE NOW!!!! He should want Monday to hurry up too because he is chompin' at the bit waiting for me to get a job. I don't blame him. I wouldn't want to have a girlfriend that lost job after job and I had to support her and pay for her SHIT! He has been wonderful to tolerate me as much as he has. But, I have dealt with his on again off again attempts at sobriety too. And that is enough to drive the sanest person INSANE!!! 


On that topic, I don't like being on the receiving end of an addicted person. I have always been the addicted person wreaking havoc on everyone's lives and now I'm the one having havoc wreaked on me by an addicted person. I suppose the phrase," Payback's a bitch!" is appropriate right about now. Being on this side has opened my eyes to all the crap I put everyone in my life through without a second thought. Addiction is such a selfish disease. Those of us that are afflicted with this horrible disease go through life like a bull in a china closet. We don't care who we use or hurt or trample on as long as we get what we want and feel we need so badly........our fix!! Needless to say, my list of people that I need to make ammends to has grown exponetially since having this eye opening experience. And then there are those nights when I want to say, "Ok!! I get it!! I don't need anymore examples!! Please make it stop!!" And I know I have no control whatsoever over whether or not he drinks, but dammnit, I'm gonna try to control it every which way I know how. INSANE!!! And who knows the definition of insanity better than those of us that are insane?  For those of you that don't know, the definition is this: doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results! I do this consistently before I stop and realize how utterly stupid I can be! Well, I think I have rambled enough about nothing for now. Hope ya'll are having a wonderful Saturday!! Until next time....................Take care!!

 

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